If Only I Could Have You…
by AuroraAustralice
Summary: Hermione Granger, plump, insecure bookworm.After all Ron Weasley did leave her for a taller, slimmer and better looking girl without so much as a singular glance of remorse. Draco Malfoy, back to Hogwarts as Head Boy, broken and angry with his fate. Yet somehow when the shy and insecure Hermione Granger reaches out to him he falls in love with the plump bookworm. Read inside
1. Chapter 1

_**If Only I Could Have You… **_

**_Summery_******

What if Hermione Granger wasn't the secretly beautiful women we all have made her out to be, what if she was just another insecure plump bookworm. Set after the wizerding war Hermione returns to Hogwarts as Head Girl, her self-esteem totally shattered.

After all Ron Weasley did leave her for a taller, slimmer and better looking girl without so much as a singular glance of remorse. Hidden behind large dreadful clothes and humongous glasses, she had resigned herself to her fate. She was meant for great things and deeds, not great love.

Draco Malfoy, back to Hogwarts as Head Boy, broken and angry with his fate. Yet somehow when the shy and insecure Hermione Granger reaches out to him in the hope that he will somehow be able to turn his life around.

The Sex God of Slytherin falls in love with the plump and introvert bookworm. Draco Malfoy has standards to maintain, after fighting his love for her, he finally gives up.

But how does one convince a girl who thinks she can never be loved, that he is in love with her.

By recruiting the help of her best friend…..

Harry Potter is furious with Ron, he has seen Hermione lose confidence and become depressed because of his constant cheating and him deserting her. When Draco Malfoy unexpectedly lands in Auror training asking his help, he is suspicious. But he is willing to do anything to see Hermione smile again, so he takes the chance.

Join them on a journey full of tears, heartbreak, asshole ex boyfriends and girlfriends and lots and lots of love.

_Angst/Romance/Drama/Psychological Trauma/Pregnancy _

**_(Coming soon)_**

…

_Tell me what you think. _


	2. Chapter (1) : Hopeless

**_If Only I Could Have You (1)_**

"It's about time you got here, I was just missing you… you'd think that after three years of shagging you, I'd have had enough." Ron's husky voice echoed through the dark apartment.

Hermione stood stock still, her heart pounding madly.

"Lavender, come on love…. Remove the clothes and get into the room, I have been dying, to have your hot body close to mine all day."

Hermione walked past the doorway and into the bed room. Ronald Weasley, the love of Hermione's life lay on the bed, naked as the day he was born, his shaggy ginger hair falling on to his forehead and his lanky thin, boyish frame leaning against the bed post.

"Lavender?" he said turning slowly towards Hermione.

His eyes widened at the sight of her standing there, but surprisingly she was not in the least bit shocked. She had expected it, the late night owls and the faint scent of _Sorcière Séduisante_a famous French perfume, one that she didn't use. But the thing was she expected herself to be heartbroken, she was just weary. Tired of his lies and his deceptions.

Hermione knew she wasn't pretty; she could barley look at herself in the mirror without feeling a certain sense of disgust. She knew she was better that this, she knew better than to rely on looks. But at the end of the day, all anyone wanted was a good looking girl.

Not a plump, little know-it-all. She was smarter than Ron and he knew it, he evened the playing field by belittling her looks, her body. So she clung to him, believing that there was no one out there, who would put up with her.

Ron stood up, his eyes not showing the slightest hint of regret.

"Hermione..." he said, she stopped him right there. Holding out her petite hand, shoving it right in to his face.

"No more lies." She said in a low voice.

"Fine, frankly I'm relieved, shut the door on your way out please." He said in cold voice. "Lavender will be here any minute now."

She just nodded his harsh words stinging like little sharp arrows against her heart. But she was strong, so she held her tears.

And walked out with her head held high. But inside she slowly broke... into little pieces. Her fragile heart crumbling into ash...

That's the day she retreated into her shell.

That was the day that Hermione Granger lost her voice and her smile.

...

**_I know its short but it's just a preview of what's to come. I originally planned to upload only on the 28th._**

**_Reviews!_**

sorcière séduisante : Alluring witch


	3. Chapter 2 : Meeting You

**_If Only I Could Have You…_**

The compartment belonging to the Head Boy and Girl was warm.

The Hogwarts express was still at the station. Harry had come to see Hermione of with his girlfriend.

Ginny had been a perfect best girlfriend.

She had helped her through the break up, bringing low fat ice cream and severely insulting her clod of a brother. And Harry had been the perfect older brother, threatening to kill Ron.

* * *

The day before she was to return to Hogwarts, Ron had arrived unexpectedly at her tiny cottage that she had inherited from her parents.

Blaming her and yelling insults, he said it was her fault that Ginny and Harry had stopped talking to him.

Hermione was still shaken up, he had assaulted her.

Beating her up so badly that blood ran down her face.

And today she had been so scared that she hadn't even been able to put on some _Glamour_ charms to hide the quickly darkening bruises. So she left her waist length hair open, in hopes that the cuts across her face and her split lip wouldn't show.

Her black eye was taking on a sickly purple color. And she could barely sit still. She was jumpy and nervous, her tiny hands shaking badly and her large eyes scared.

Thankfully Harry and Ginny were so absorbed in each other that they had hardly noticed her odd behavior.

She looked out of the window, the warm steam wreathing her face in the early morning light.

The door behind her was thrown open; Hermione didn't turn to look at who the person was who entered.

"Of course it's you. I shouldn't have expected anyone else." Came a low, husky voice. The sneer was evident. Hermione knew who it was. But she couldn't bring herself to turn around.

Draco Malfoy looked down angrily at the bent had of tiny little bookworm who now was to occupy an compartment and a set of dorms with him.

What pissed him of more was the fact that she barley acknowledged him. Her face hidden by oodles of her curly hair, hair that ticked him of no end.

Draco folded his large muscular arms over is broad chest. At his height of over six feet five inches he glared down at the girl, who still refused to look at him.

"Are you deaf Granger? No insults… no nasty comments mud blood." He sneered out.

Hermione calmly turned to him and shook her head.

"Insults are not my department, it's yours." She said softly.

Draco held his breath as he took at the ravaged face in front of him. His fists curled to his side as he fought a wave of nauseating anger threatening to consume him.

"Who did that to you Granger?" he rasped, his sandpaper rough voice becoming husky with anger.

"Why Draco so that you can send him flowers?" she said in her sad voice, her soft brown eyes reflecting a world of pain. Draco's anger reached its peak when he heard her remind him of the crass comment he had made In Diagon Ally.

His broad shoulder clenched with rage, he came closer to her. And bent down, bringing his face close to hers.

"If you ever speak to me like that again Granger, make no mistake I will kill you." He growled his sensual lips close to her soft shell like ear, his tone cold and threatening.

Hermione retreated almost immediately, her wide eyes scared and her hands beginning to tremble. She looked back out of the window; they were on the move now.

She kept her eyes trained on the soft green of the fields as they passed them.

She heard Draco drop his large body on to the seat opposite her. Her senses were on high alert, he could hurt her so easily, she was nothing compared to his size.

Keeping her eyes outside, she mused as to why he had come back to Hogwarts. He seemed older now, crueler. She knew he had served time in Azkaban.

He was changed, bitter, and angry.

And strangely she felt that there was a thirst in him. A thirst to prove himself. He was like a caged, vicious predator waiting to jump and kill. Hermione could feel the latent strength bounce of him in waves.

Draco regarded the tiny little girl sitting ridged in her seat in front of him. Hermione Granger had changed. Her doe brown eyes were shadowed with haunting pain and her body was held in the manner of one who was scared.

Azkaban had taught him a lot, how to survive, who was friend and who wasn't. It had given him this thirst, his constant feeling of need… need to prove himself, need to show other what the thought was wrong, need to show himself…

He felt trapped, like this tiny compartment was stifling him, crushing him in subservience.

And as he looked her Hermione, a feeling of blind anger rushed through is veins. Anger at the fucking bastard who had the audacity to hurt her.

The feeling was foreign; he had never experienced feelings of protectiveness so strong. Like they were going to consume him.

* * *

Draco shook his head to clear it.

And he got up and walked out of the compartment. He needed release; he needed something to take his mind of the battered Hermione Granger.

Hearing the loud nasally laugh of Pansy he walked through the door.

A good fuck, with a willing women, a good looking willing women, one who was so unlike Grangers frumpy-dumpy person.

After all the Sex God of Slytherin, has standards.

…

**Reviews…! **


	4. Chapter 3:Treating Something Broken

**_If Only I Could Have You…_**

Hermione Granger shut the door to her dorm room behind her, hearing the decisive click of the muggle lock, she sank to the floor. Her back pressed against the door and she let out the flood of tears that she had been holding back all day.

The warmth of the room soothed her cold body. But her ravaged heart and soul were to beyond comfort.

Her body ached and she knew that if she looked at herself in the mirror what she would see. Bruises, bruises covering her body and cuts, things that she never expected Ron to do to her. But that just showed how you could know a person half your life and yet not really know them…..

Hermiones heart ached, it ached at the thought of Ron, the boy she though she knew, and the sweet-sweet memory flooded her mind before she could stop it.

Her sobs had grown in volume and yet they were soft, barely the sound of whispered rain.

Her long hair pooled around her as she abandoned herself to her sadness, falling forward, clutching her knees, curled up in a fetal position. Memory after memory tortured her, made her question herself.

Had she done that to him? Made him so angry and vengeful? Was she responsible alone in bringing this upon herself?

As she rocked herself, these questions taunted her, jabbing into her soft skin like invisible arrows. Arrows meant to slowly injure and hurt, not to kill, no because killing would be too easy, too painless...

Hermione had no strength so she just lay there, her eyes wide open.

Before Ron assaulted her, she had never been hit before. Never, ever….

Not even during the wizerding war.

The first blow, it was to her stomach. And how it hurt, it made her reel over with pain. The next one when it came was with his foot to her breasts. He hit her head just enough, so that she would bleed but not pass out. He ravaged her face and he ravaged her body; she had never seen such savage, animalistic rage and hatred in one man's eyes.

The man who was supposed to love her….. That was what killed her.

_He was supposed to love her._

* * *

Draco pulled of his dark cloak and dropped it on his large bed. The feast had been a riot he though sarcastically, everyone looking at him like he was going to kill them and the Slytherin's with reverential admiration.

Granger hadn't even looked up throughout the entire feast, to Draco's intense annoyance his eyes had kept wandering back to her.

And he had observed that she had stayed back, sitting far away and her eyes trained on the table at all times. That was not typical Granger behavior.

He knew it had something to do with the bruises and cuts on her face. Shockingly no one else had noticed. But he had seen one more thing, when Thomas had come up to her; he had seen how she had flinched from his hand.

Draco shook his head to clear it; he had no business with Granger other than being a Head. He didn't care about her personal life.

That is if she had one…..

Draco walked around his room, he rarely slept. In Azkaban he had learned to do with just four hours of rest. He was wide awake and restless, his large body moved with uneasy grace and his callused hands worried his long hair.

He needed air.

He stepped out of the dungeon that his dorm was in and walked to the heads common room, it was stifling, Draco rolled up the sleeves of his black ox –ward, the muscles in his forearms bunching threateningly.

That when he heard it, the soft sobs, he knew it was Hermione. Quickly Draco moved with lithe grace up the stairs that led to her dorm, coming to rest in front of her door.

He wanted to knock, gods he wanted to knock. But how was he going to explain why he was there? And again Grangers life held no interest for Draco….

But he knocked anyway.

"Granger, open the door, I need to go over the prefect schedule with you for tomorrow."

He heard the soft keening cries, slow. He knew she was trying to subdue the tears. He tried the door, checking if it was open or not. Pushing at it, he found it was open.

Granger was curled up on the floor, her long waist length amber/auburn hair spread all around her. Her desolate eyes regarded him from her small face, filled with years and years of sadness. Her face was swollen with crying so much.

"Okay that's enough." He growled at her and bent down. His big hands grasping her ample hips and hauling her onto his chest.

Once he had her he began walking towards the bed.

"You know you shouldn't do that. Pick me up. You'll hurt yourself." Came her soft voice.

"For god's sakes Granger! Have you seen how fucking tall I am, for Merlin's sake you think you could hurt me?" he said nearly snarled, raising an eyebrow.

Hermione flinched back and Draco quickly laid her onto the bed.

He sat down beside her and looked into her eyes, his dark, blue, gray eyes. Arctic and chilly, regarding her golden, brown eyes. Warm and trusting.

And with surprising gentleness he asked her. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Hermione shook her hear. Draco clenched his teeth and got up of the bed.

"I am trying to be helpful here." He said gritting his teeth. Hermione looked away.

Draco banged his fist into the table, startling her.

"I don't care Granger!... do you understand… I DON'T CARE." He shouted. "But I have to live with you!" he sneered.

"So do me one fucking favor, if you have to cry and do all that shit! Do it far away from me…"

Hermione eyes widened with fear, she began shaking. His clenched fist was resting on the table.

It would be so easy for him to smash it into her face. Her trembling intensified and she shakily got up ,her face, stark and pale, she moved towards the door and ran out.

She moved through the common room and out the portrait hole. Her eyes were stinging and her heart was thumping with renewed fear. She didn't know where exactly she was going but she was going away from Draco.

* * *

Fuck he swore, she ran away.

"Granger." He called out, "Granger this is not funny." He yelled walking out of her room his body shaking with rage.

She was gone.

….

**REVIEWS! **


	5. Chapter 4: Cold Water

**_If Only I Could Have You…_**

Hermione Granger looked at the lake without really seeing it there. Her eyes were glazed with unshed tears, tears that she would never give Malfoy the satisfaction of shedding.

It would be so easy for her to just jump into the water….

People wouldn't find her body for days; she could fair feel it on her skin…..

The cold water sliding up her body as she sank closer and closer to the sandy bottom and the breath leaving her body in cold little puffs, the light of the surface drawing further and further away from her depraved eyes.

Unconsciously she had begun to move closer and closer to the bank of the river, the bright lights of Hogwarts illuminating her back. She paused a bare second to look back at the lights; they symbolized her leaving everything dear to her, she was their rock.

But who was her rock… who was there when she awoke in the middle of the night with nightmares? Who was there to reassure her that her dreams were lies? Who was there to hold her hand when she was scared or when memories haunted her and blood splattered in front of her unseeing eyes? To comfort was a great feeling but she needed to be comforted to….

When had the world forgotten about her feelings?

Draco moved through corridors and up stirs, through portrait holes and in and out of endless halls. He couldn't find Granger. Fuck! He couldn't find Granger….

She just made him so angry, he saw red and lost control… what the hell was she doing, not telling him, protecting the arse that did this. Was she out of her fucking mind!

He didn't care, but he would not be the cause of Granger hurting herself or anything.

His long muscular, lithe legs moved fast as they could, the black cloak billowing about him.

Just near the dungeons he caught sight of movement in the shadows. Draco jerked forward with intent; he was going to kill the little mud blood he sneered. But instead out of the shadows stepped Pansy.

"Hello Draco." She murmured with a low seductive lit, "Here to meet me are you?" she said her eyes growing slumberous and her lips pouting out.

Fuck Granger he thought, she wants to fucking run of and disappear, why the hell should he care if she's killed in the Forbidden Forest or drowns in the lake.

With a matching seductive smirk Draco stepped forward and reached out to grab Pansy and jerked her back to his massive chest. His hand sliding down to her ass as she pressed herself wantonly against him, groaning out his name in a low breathy tone.

Draco reached out and jerked her lips to his, kissing her with the control and expertise of a predator.

_Dominant. Angry. Arousing._

Pansy drew her hands up his torso, lightly scraping her nails up his pectoral muscles and down to his silky packed abdomen. The golden skin stretched across his body clenched with arousal as she rubbed her hands down his body. At the same time he bit into her lip roughly and lifted her up onto the wall, his hand reaching through her robes to her braless breasts.

Evidently she was already prepared to meet someone thought Draco cynically.

But as his eyes shut, all Draco could picture was Hermiones sad eyes, red with the stains of tears and her soft cheeks blotched with the evidence of her unhappiness.

What would happen to her? His brain formulated wild pictures of her being mauled to death by some creature of the forest.

"What's the matter Draco; you seem a million miles away?" Pansy questioned him as she brought his face back to hers.

Draco stated at Pansy with her disheveled hair and her dark eyes burning with lust. But he felt no desire, no pull like before. Now all he saw was Grangers face.

"I need to leave, I have some work." He said coldly pushing her aside.

"Draco." She cried "You can just leave me like this. Where are you going?"

Draco turned back to her, his hard eyes glinting with predatory intent.

"Make no mistake Pansy, I fuck you. But I don't answered to you. Do you understand." He said with chilling coldness. Pansy shivered half in arousal and half in fear as Draco walked away, his long strides echoing of the walls of the dungeon.

* * *

Draco stood out in the fields; still he had no idea where Granger was. Walking towards the lake he sighed. She could already be dead…

As he neared the banks, she caught something glinting in the moonlight; it was one of the buckles of Grangers cloak.

Fuck he swore, she fucking jumped into the lake. Draco ran forward, his face now contorted in fear.

Shedding his clothes quickly he dove into the freezing water, looking for Granger. His eyes swept the water and as he swam closer to base. He caught sight of her.

Her eyes were wide open and begging him….

Hermione looked up to see her last glimpse of the real world and caught sight Draco leaning down into the water.

No! No! She tried to cry out. No… please leave me there. But it was too late as he reached to where she was and clutched at her. But she had lost conscience.

No… she kept crying in her head. Let me be at peace

….

REVIEWS!


	6. Chapter 5: Till Death

**_REVIEWS! _**

**_…._**

**_If Only I Could Have You… _**

Granger don't you dare stop breathing on me now… Draco's thoughts were tainted with anxious despair.

He had seen her it eyes, what could he do to save her when she didn't want to live… she had no will to live. His hands shook with cold as he tried again and again to resuscitate her; the spells had stopped working over fifteen minutes ago so he was in this blind, a novice.

He had read about it before in medical journals written by muggles. Pressing his lips back to hers he breathed into her throat, hoping some of the air would enter her esophagus and repeatedly and rhythmically pushing down onto her heart in the vain hope of getting her heart to beat again. He continued to work on her feverishly…

* * *

_"Hello Hermione." Hermione looked up startled as she saw Professor. Dumbledore looked at her his beautiful blue eyes twinkling from behind his half- moon glasses. She was sitting on a warm leather chair in the Hogwarts library and the heat of the fire washed over her skin, like it was hugging her… _

_"Am I dead?" she asked in shock..._

_"Not really my dear...no." Answered Dumbledore examining some interesting books to his right._

_"Then why are you here Professor?" she asked confused._

_"To help you decide Granger." Came the cold voice of none other than Snape._

_"Professor is that you?" she asked in awe, her wide eyes growing larger on her tiny face._

_"Don't be a dolt girl! Of course it's me!" he gave her snide look._

_"Now ... now Severus gentle." Came the unmistakable voice of Fred Weasley, with its same cheerful undertone. Fred walked forward up to Hermione and reached out and hugged her tight, his dark brown orbs glittering with the same mischief. _

_"Hey Mione'."_

_"Fred… Oh Fred!" Hermione cried as she hugged him tight, her tears leaking onto his white shirt. _

_"All you men are rather tactless are you not?" the bubbly voice of Nymphadora Tonks broke the tear fest._

_"Wotcher Hermione!" said the older girl, her hair a bright blue color. _

_"Tonks come on where are you going!" came suddenly as Lupin and Sirius and James burst out of the west book shelves. _

_"Hermione?" cried Lupin and Sirius in shock. "What are you doing here!?"_

_"James Darling who is it now?" said a beautiful red headed women with bright green eyes._

_"I think you want to see this Lil. It's Hermione Granger, Harry's good friend." _

_Hermione looked around in shock to see all her dead comrades standing in front of her. All of them were grinning or bantering with each other, cracking 'terrible dead person' jokes (read: Fred, Sirius and James)_

_"Why are all of you here? And where am I?" _

_Lily Potter came forward with a gentle smile on her face, her red hair glinting in the fire light._

_"We're sorry Hermione dear. I know it can be a little overwhelming. But we are here to help you."_

_"Help me with what? Exactly…"_

_"To understand why you don't want to live? To understand why you won't return to your body?"_

_"I'm dead … I cannot return to my body." Hermione said confused._

_"Hermione we know your lying to yourself…" Fred looked up at her and said._

_"Miss. Granger, I see no point in your moping around. You have a considerable bright future ahead of you." sniffed Snape disdainfully._

_"Oh Sev! Don't be so cold." Cried Lily. "You'll scare the poor girl... she did just die after all."_

_"Lily, Miss. Granger is now accustomed to my way of conversation." He told the red head who just huffed and looked away. _

_"Hermione, my dear girl why in the world would you sit here among us while you have a chance to return to the living realm." Said Dumbledore his long finger steepled as he regarded her with his unwavering blue stare. _

_"Tell us why Hermione?" asked Lupin gently._

_"What is there to tell…? I drowned."_

_"You know that's a lie Hermione." Said Tonks._

_"Tell us what happened? From the very beginning." Said James Potter sitting down on the rug next of his wife. _

_Hermione looked at the serious faces of all the people around her and sighed._

_"I committed suicide…. I jumped into the water and it was cold. I swam for a bit when I realized what I had just done but then I just gave up, it was so much easier. The water was so very cold, I could feel it sliding up my skin, crawling, taking over my body. First I felt my lungs collapse because of the lack of oxygen, and then I felt my mind making me loose conscience because the pain was far too much. But I remember Draco Malfoy trying to rescue me before my eyes shut… so yes I don't want to return to my body." Hermione let it all out at once her breath sighing out. _

_"You have to leave Miss. Granger... You know you do. This is not the place for you yet."Snape said his cold voice bouncing of the walls of Hermiones brain hollowly. _

* * *

Come Fucking On Granger! Draco struggled and struggled and suddenly as if from a dream, Hermione started to spew out water from her lips. The water washed over her body in copious amounts. She had swallowed so much of it.

Draco's heart was beating fast and out of control. This was his fault…. If he didn't yell at her she wouldn't have run… Fuck!

Her lips were a sick blue color and her normal skin tone of dusky tan was now a sick pale white. She was inches from death; her heart was still not beating.

He had to get her warm before he could start her heart. The normal body temperature was ninety five degrees and only when he got her up to that could there be some chance of her survival. Draco quickly picked her up and rushed back to the castle. His long strides eating up the distance.

Hurrying into the Head quarters he laid her down on the couch of the Common Room. Swaddling her in blankets, he cast a quick warming charm on her.

Slowly color started to seep into her skin and he began to compress her chest. And was relieved to feel the faint flutter of her heart.

* * *

Thank you for reading :)


	7. Important Note

Hey guys I am just here to answer some questions. Yes Hermione is strong. But this story is to show that she is SICK of being strong and has reached her saturation point. A sort of PTSD if you will.

Sometimes it takes experiences outside the traumatic one that you suffer to really make you see how much hurt the trauma had caused you. And yes weight is an issue here because we live in society dominated by the physical aspects of a person's personality, I want that to translate into the story, I want to show what the effects are of bullying and self harm.

In our society no one has to tell a fat girl she is ugly she is brought up with the perception. I know it sounds harsh but it's true.

To answer one of the reviews, yes she has been through worse but no one in the world can cause you more harm than yourself. And here she is not just broken physically, she is broken of spirit, she is broken of soul. Such soul deep sadness is overwhelming even in the greatest minds and even the most logical minds cannot over power such hurt.

Think of her not has being weak but as finally giving into the pressure of life. Finally acting like the victim of a war, finally putting her needs before other and most of all finally being tired of people taking advantage of her and then forgetting her.

Yes she does battle with issues of self-harm and lack of self esteem and many other self decapitating habits like eating disorders. This story is the unnamed and untold story of HER suffering.

I hope that answers all your questions and doubts.

Love

Urvashi x


	8. Chapter 6: Coping

**_REVIEW!_**

**_If Only I Could Have You … _**

Draco sat vigilantly beside Hermione all night. Her slow breathing was the only sound in the room, low and labored every few minutes she would mutter incoherently in her slumber. Her voice low and miserable, a feverish glint had darkened her full cheeks and a hectic flush of unhealthy temperature graced her brow. She shifted uncomfortably on the bed clearly reliving some old nightmare, her restless movements caused Draco sharp anxiety and she was showing no signs of waking up anytime soon.

It was almost dawn and Draco knew soon he would have to get to his classes; he would make up some excuse for Granger not being there. But he was scared to leave her alone, what if she woke up and decided to try and commit suicide again? He knew he couldn't avoid his duties, not today on the first day. But he was apprehensive to leave her alone. Suddenly Granger turned in her sleep, her soft, frantic mumbling growing in intensity. Her arms flopped out, as she turned uneasily.

Just as Draco was about to get up he caught sight of something on her wrist, just a flash. And in a nanosecond he was by her side again, his arctic eyes spitting fury. His large, brawny body held tersely. But as angry as he was, he gently took Hermiones tiny hand in his to flip it over.

And the breath flew out of his body in a rush, making him light headed, he began to shake as he ran his slim fingers over the dark scars crisscrossing her wrist, some were recent, the skin red and angry and some were old now faded to just simple lines across her skin.

He gently ran his hands over her soft skin and felt shockwaves caressed his core. They were deep, these jagged, raw cuts. Cuts that she had caused to herself, cut that symbolized how much pain she was in… pain that he could now feel, like flames licking against his ravaged soul. Seeing her, now he understood was like ripping open an old wound and feeling the familiar pleasure-pain of having blood seep out of his veins and leave his body.

_This beautiful, broken girl would be the death of him._

* * *

She heard Draco's hard, decisive footsteps as they carried him out of the dorm. Hermione was feeling overwhelmed, she had been awake pretending to sleep for the past hour and over the course of that time she had grown more and more confused.

Draco had touched her like she was precious, fragile china. She could still feel the burn of his fingers on her soft skin; his touch was the touch of a conflicted man. But what he was conflicted about she had no idea and even now she knew that he was standing outside the portrait door arguing with himself whether or not to go to the lessons. Finally she heard the sound of him walking away and she lifted her head. She was going to go out to, but not to classes, not just yet.

Shrugging on her soft fleecy robe and pulling on a pair of flannel pajamas she walked out of the room. It was just past a quarter to ten and she knew everyone would be in their classes.

As she stumbled inelegantly out of the portrait hole she walked tentatively forward, her soft slippers making no sound in the cold stone hallways. She knew her destination; she was going to the room of All Things or The Room of Requirement.

As she walked on she remembered the first day Dobby had show her and Harry the room. She submerged herself in memories, her eyes filled with tears thinking of Dobby, the sweet –sweet elf who had saved their life, her life from Bellatrix. He would forever hold a place in her heart. _Dobby… The Free Elf._

Coming to the familiar hallway she walked thrice think of the room she wanted, just like he had taught them.

Hermione though of their secret D.A meetings, the all consuming faith that had led them to this place, a free wizerding world. She knew it would take time for them to rid themselves of prejudice and it would take them time to get over their horrific past but she now as she looked at the D.A room she felt a soul deep pride in the faith that they had carried for so long, a faith that had persevered and defeated one of the worst forms of darkness in the world….

Hermione often thought that the ravage caused to the wizerding community was much like the Holocaust. And Voldemort was much like Hitler; with his _Aryan _policies similarly Voldemort had been with his _Pureblood_ policies.

Hermione knew of the _Holocaust_ as her grandparents had escaped Poland when the Nazis were taking them to _Auschwitz_. The worlds were different but the mass genocide was the same, the madness of these two men was the same…

Hermione often wondered how wizards and witches could considered themselves so different than muggles. Over the years both the worlds had received massive blows from people like _Grindelwald, Stalin, Hitler and Voldemort_. Yet they seemed so apart and it was her deepest desire to bring these worlds together and have them see that there was nothing to fear.

She wanted **_Draco _**to see, she wanted to show him that her birth was not an unholy mistake nor was the birth of any other muggle born magic child. She wanted to open his eyes…..

Shaking her hard she walked into the room, it had been transformed to fit her needs. A large ebony grand piano stood at the end of the room. If there was one thing Hermione had retained from her muggle world it was the music. She had kept her love affair with Beethoven and Mozart going all through her years of Hogwarts, she had kept her meetings secret but constant when it came to Chopin.

Most of all she had retained her love of songs, her collection of endless love ballads. They were her coping mechanism, when she was angry, sad, happy she came here to play, to vent her pent up emotions, to let the music guide her to a better place… a place of happiness.

Fluidly she moved to the piano, running her fingers over the ebony and ivory. Feeling the ecstasy of the soft tinkering sounds emerging from the instrument, it had been so long…

Slowly like in a dream her finger glided over the keys, the sounds of Chopin's Nocturnes flowing forth from her fingers, surrounding her, cradling her in their safe cocoon.

Slowly she shifted the music to a popular song; it was one of her personal favorites, after a few minutes of mindless playing. She opened her mouth to sing and lost herself in the music.

_We built a tall, tall tower  
Towards the sun, towards the sun  
Took some words and built a wall  
And called it love, called it love_

And somewhere in all the talking  
The meaning faded out

Oh, I wonder  
When did it all stop making sense?  
I don't understand  
I remember we were so sure, so innocent  
Oh, but that was then  
Can we ever go back again?  
Can we ever go back?

You're speaking a dead, dead language  
You don't sound like yourself  
I hope its just lost in translation  
So why don't you show? Don't try to tell

And brick by brick we started crumbling  
Will I find you when it falls?

Oh, I wonder  
When did it all stop making sense?  
I don't understand  
I remember we were so sure, so innocent  
Oh, but that was then  
Can we ever go back?

Don't hold your breath  
Look around  
Try to add it up  
Pin it down  
But you can't

Oh, I wonder  
When did it all stop making sense?  
I don't understand  
I remember we were so sure, so innocent  
Oh, but that was then  
Can we ever go back again?  
Can we ever go back? 

Hermione's soft voice escaped the restricting confines of her throat as she continued to sing with renewed confidence. And that's where she sat for the next few hours...

* * *

Draco stepped into the common room and felt a sharp sense of unease and almost immediately his eyes were drawn to the small figure sitting peacefully against the pillows of the couch. Hermione raised her eyes to the tall figure leaning against the doorway and hopelessly her eyes were pulled to his savagely, beautiful face which was contorted in an expression of relief mixed with guilt.

Draco wanted to sweep across the room and drag her into his arms and breath her in, see if she was really alive, plunder her soft lips and feel their pliant velvet being seduced by his own.

But she looked like a fragile china doll just sitting there, her wide trusting eyes open and friendly. He wasn't moving, so Hermione got up, almost tripping over her long hair and galvanized into action Draco moved forward and caught her.

Hermiones breath rushed out of her body as she came in contact with Draco's hard chest, her tiny body nestling close to his, almost like they were made to do this.

"What do you think you're doing?" he said his voice raspy and strained.

Hermione desperately tying not to give into fear wound her arms around his hard muscular torso, her hands barley meeting at his back. Reaching up on tiptoes.

She breathed into his ear "Thank you for saving me Draco."

Draco's hold on her tightened, it was delicious… Hermione expected to feel fear but instead her body hummed with strange, soft yet strong desire. Desire that she was afraid of... slowly moving away, she let go of him, feeling deep loneliness without his arms around her.

Draco was about to explode, he wanted to yell at her and then kiss her, he wanted to take her across his knee and then he wanted to make love to her, he wanted to shake her and then he wanted to ask her why. But right now all he could do was shake with furious suppressed rage.

"Don't thank me." He said dismissively instead, feeling like a bastard when her soft golden eyes reflect her sorrow at his hard, crass tone. That right Granger he though, stay the fuck away from me... Damaged goods here, not like she was exactly perky but it was rare when two wrongs made a right, usually they made a big mess, he though cynically.

"Before I go to bed, I want you to have something. You can give it back when you finish reading It." she said in her soft musical voice and handed him a book.

Draco skimmed across the title _The Cruel Reign: the Story of Nazi Germany during the Holocaust_ by _Françoise Bower_.

He took it and absently thanked her, stalking back to his room.

Hermione sighed, two things could happen either he would kill her after reading the book or he would maybe just maybe open up a bit more.

Well she would have to see tomorrow.

* * *

**_Thank you for reading! Don't forget to REVIEW! _**

**_The song is Speaking A Dead Language by Joy Williams_**


	9. Chapter 7: Her Viewpoint

**_Hey guys, _**

**_I know its slightly strange that I am comparing the wizerding war with the Holocaust but bare with me I think it's an integral part of the story, I think with will make Draco empathize more with muggles. It will get him out of his 'they are a completely different species' agenda and see them as humans who have suffered too. Oh and please review, it makes me sad to see so little feedback from you guys, it does not have to always be compliments I can take constructive critics too, I'm a big girl.. But all jokes apart I want to know what you think of the story? _**

**_So without further ado … I present to you…_**

* * *

**_If only I could have you… _**

Draco had always wondered what it would be like to be in love. He had grown up in a cold home where the display of emotions was considered unseemly.

He adored his mother and always wanted his father respect and appreciation. But that desire had cost him his soul…. Too high a price for any child to pay. He sat on his bed examining his Dark Mark, running his hand over the dark puckered skin.

Pain … that term now held little to no meaning to him, he knew physical pain but he was never allowed to feel emotional and psychological pain because it was 'unseemly'. Over the years Draco's collection of scars had grown, Lucius Malfoy was a mean drunk, and after a while the pain just ceases to exist.

To him getting _Crucioed _was like taking a walk in the park, it was that frequent. Maybe he was doomed to be just like his father, to destroy anything good and pure in his life. After all it was his old man's blood running in his veins and who could escape the curse of genes?

Lifting up the book the Granger had given him, he leaned onto the bed rest, putting the depressing thoughts out of his mind.…

* * *

_The first day that the soldiers came to my house I was twenty one; I was working as a nurse at the Confederate Hospital. _

_There had been talks of this man Adolf Hitler; I had heard them when I was hiding in my father's study, he had sounded scared no not scared… terrified. It shocked me to my core because in all my life I had never seen my father shed a single tear and now he stood… shaking and white leaning against my mother almost clutching at her in his desperate sadness. _

_My father was a devoted and loving father and I was an only child. Later in the night he came to me and told me to pack a bag…. Nothing fancy just my clothes and a few valuables that I couldn't bear to part with. _

_But you see we were not that lucky, we never made it out of the house. The Nazi soldiers caught us at the gate of our mansion. That was the first time I was scared of being a Jew, because being a Jew meant me and my parents would get killed. _

_We were dragged away, my mother's screams still echo in my head after all these years… she was beautiful, my mother and the captain of their regiment took one look at her and dragged her to the back of his motor car, that where she was raped the first time… at the back of a car by a lecherous, cruel, disgusting excuse of a man… Heimlich, I remembered his name and vowed to kill this savage. _

_See I was a small girl, tiny in stature, protected and cosseted and adored by my parents. From this day on my life was a series of brutalities one after another…. I cannot forgive myself but I hope God can…._

_It was only because of these events I could meet Him… James… my love, my life, my savior, my rapist, my master. I was his… given to him as a Jewish Whore to warm his bed while his perfect Aryan wife entertained his guests._

_ I knew in his own sick way he loved me and I too fell in love with him. But I killed him…._

_I killed the German I loved because I was to die soon, I heard him say it. He was sending me to a concentration camp come morning, so later in the night when he came to my bed, I hid I knife under my dress, between my breasts and as he bent to kiss my lips I stabbed him, right through his heart. His cruel, cold, lifeless heart… _

_And this is my story, I don't ask for your pity, I don't need your validation but I request your respect when you read this story, the story of my life…._

_At twenty one I was vibrant and full of life but I was locked up. Sent to rot in hell, hell on the land of the living. _

_To tell you I was ugly and no one paid attention to me would be a lie, because they did pay attention to me… and I paid the price of beauty, I was violated each day, day in and day out… my life became that of a toys, I was used and discarded at will, a pleasure slave, a whore, a street trawler. You can call me anything but this was what I had become. _

_The concentration camps were built to keep things like me inside and each day I watched from my cell as men and women both Aryan and Jew worked together, maybe not in the typical sense but together all the same. _

_My bitterness stems from the fact that they isolated me from my community too, no one wanted to talk to the whore of the soldiers. _

_So I spent my life observing…. The Nazis were ruthless and without remorse and Hitler plundered all that came in his way, his way to create the perfect race… _

_His hungered for power, revenge… what exactly I never understood? He was like a force of nature but not the good kind, but the kind that causes damage like a volcano erupting and burning all in its path or like an earthquake claiming lives of innocent people._

* * *

Draco put the book down and shook his head; he was intrigued he would admit. He understood to a certain extant why Granger had given his this book, the story as far as he had read was something very similar to what they had experienced just a year ago.

He knew what she was trying to do; she was trying to make him see it from her point of view. He respected that but it also made him angry, it was like rubbing salt on the wound, picking up the book again he read on….

…..

**_I hope you liked it and thank you for reading, don't forget to review  
_**


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